HM THEMES
October 13th ∙ 1169
damon salvatore   dear damon:   yes it is time for another one of these   i acknowledge the last thing you want to do is respond to mail at a time like this   obviously you just wanna eat people and drink and not think about the e word and her set of fangs   or do you? we saw that preview ok   but if you're going to go ahead biting people all willy nilly once again   it's only from the power invested in me as a person stuck with lookin' at that mug   that we must discuss your fruit punch mouth   and swagger   and ruthlessless   and vampire face   'cause   cannot stop staring at it   it is estimated if you keep it up the world economy will fail   people will give up their will to get up and do other things is all   very serious matter of   great urgency   also nice ass   keep it up   sincerely everyone   p.s. well that stern wording idea failed  
September 18th ∙ 206
damon salvatore   dear damon:   i think it's time we have another talk.   specifically i need to address your audacity to be such a ... jackass   with this whole eyes and lips and facial expression thing you do.   i really don't know who gave you permission to exist so   you know   i demand you find that permission slip asap before   i contact the proper authorities   and get your fine ass arrested for carrying a concealed weapon   i mean your penis   that escalated quickly   sincerely   the world   p.s. shut the fuck up i hate your voice  
April 20th ∙ 2245
dear damon:   FUCK YOU  
April 19th ∙ 89
dear damon:   i realize as a union sympathizer from the south you shouldn't make that uniform look so good   but you do   that hat is silly   your hair is curly and gorgeous   i wonder if you understand how ridiculous it is   that your hat hair is sexy   or your trolling of good southern manners   to be honest we all wish you would jump off a cliff   thanks   bye   ps fuck you  
January 17th ∙ 775
dear damon   wow   fuck you   hasn't anyone ever told you not to look at people when you are recklessly in love   hasn't anyone had the decency to let you know it is not an okay thing to do   why hasn't anyone taught you these simple courtesies   like if you are perfect   and in love   and you start making these wonderfully human and adoring faces   towards the object of your everlasting affection   like some lovesick puppy   in that terribly perfectly beautiful way   that makes all them panties drop   wear a fucking paper bag   have some fucking decency   you asshole   love   the masses   dear damon:  
November 5th ∙ 1048
dear damon:   frankly my behavior towards you these past several letters has been unacceptable and for that i apologize sincerely. you do not deserve someone yelling at you because you were born with such a perfect face and body even if you to flaunt it shamelessly with utter and merciless disregard for the pain you inflict on innocent souls. bottom-line... i am truly regretful of my harsh words and unfair orders. it was out of line. because in all actuality what makes you so attractive is how much of a unapologetic asshole you are. please continue lifting your eyebrow like you are made of sex and know it. please never think for a moment your devil-may-care smirk goes unappreciated. please always help your baby brother accept himself because that's really hot. and every night do look at elena gilbert like she's the most beautiful person in the entire world because that's why my panties are being thrown across the room. let's bang.   sincerely a girl who would let you sleep in her bed too ok  
October 26th ∙ 445
dear damon:   FUCK. YOU.   signed sincerely   P.S. you have a lot of nerve showing up here as if you do not owe me five letters of apology and promises by now.  
October 23rd ∙ 370
DEAR DAMON:   THIS LETTER IS PRESENTED TO YOU IN VERY CAPITALIZED LETTERS FOR A REASON. THIS IS HOW PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET DENOTE THEIR BRIMMING RAGE AND OVERFLOWING EMOTION AND SO IT'S ONLY FITTING THAT YOU EXPERIENCE EVEN A SLIVER OF THE FEELINGS I AM DESPERATELY TRYING TO CONVEY TO YOU. STOP. I REPEAT: STOP IGNORING MY CORRESPONDENCE. I AM BEGINNING TO SUSPECT YOU ARE PURPOSELY DOING SO WITH CRUELTY AND AMUSEMENT IN YOUR CHEESY SASSY NEAT FREAK HEART. YOU FINGER-LICKING BAG OF DICKS. (i hear your dick is pretty well-endowed also which is another issue to discuss; can you please keep your privates to yourself unless you are going to share?) ARHG FLDKGJBHOETRIJHORWTIH. Please respond when you are done being a miserably attractive lump of sexiness.   signed cordially  
October 23rd ∙ 729
dear damon:   recently it's been brought to my attention by your recklessly opened shirts that the hollow of your throat seems like a scrumptious place to be. it's also been apparent to me upon further scrutiny that when you part your lips just so and narrow your eyes that i well i mean- i'm sure that sentence was going somewhere but i was distracted and okay my point is you have not responded to any of my other well-worded letters of concern. i understand how pressing your life must be what with cleaning all those expensive rugs and gettin' some marshmallow stick in ya but this is important ok. this is of the utmost importance. you have to stop. you have to stop saying and doing things we all should be snorting and laughing at and yet you (you rat BASTARD) instead continue to contribute to the teeming mass of inconsolable sexual frustration of the world. LOOK. YOU ARE MAKING EVERYONE ANGRY AND DISTRAUGHT. WE ARE ALL SO MAD AND SO TURNED ON IT'S DISGUSTING. SO YOU CAN JUST STOP IT. COVER UP YOUR CHEST AND I'LL LEND YOU A PAPER BAG FOR YOUR STUPID FACE.   sincerely; the world and all its occupants  
September 28th ∙ 999
dear damon:   i have not as of yet received a reply regarding the frequency of how often you service yourself. i understand of course if you are busy with other things. like saving elena and servicing yourself. (i get it. i do. that body of yours. how do you resist?)   i am writing you currently because i really think someone needs to address how you've somehow captured the beauty of heaven and written it across your adorable confused little face.   it needs to be returned. this is kind of a grave offense. castiel is not amused. in fact he's been kind of pissed. he was saving heaven's beauty for dean winchester and nooooow what the hell is he going to get his boyfriend for kwanza? please return asap but shit goes down.   thank you sincerely.